We hear more and more today about "Age-Gap Relationships". Once the double
standard pretty much discriminated against the older woman and younger man,
while the older man and younger woman were accepted. Not today. Women have
come a long way, and by the time they reach fifty-five or so their physical
and emotional needs change. Empty nest syndrome could have a great deal to
do with this; it is for some, by no means an ending but rather a wonderful
new beginning.
No one consciously makes the decision to go out and find a younger man or
woman. Socializing is an essential part of life for the young as well as
the elderly. Friendships develop and on occasion something happens and more
becomes of it. This does not mean that either party was out looking.
In a case where the woman has been independent, on her own so to speak, it
comes as a real surprise when she is attracted to a younger man. It is
questioned as to what her motives are. She has no motives outside of the
fact that she made friends with someone with a whole new perspective on
life. Someone enthusiastic, full of new ideas and after getting to know
each other they both find that they can learn so much, one from the other.
They are happy just being in each others company. It makes no difference
which is the younger, when this happens to two people, age is the least of
their concern. Age is just a number and that changes on a yearly basis.
I know personally of some cases where there is a twenty to thirty- plus year
age gap. These people are no different than anyone else; they meet, get to
know each other and suddenly they want to be together all the time. They
want to share their lives regardless of public opinion. If there are
children involved it becomes more of a challenge. Children, or lack of
same, have to be considered. In the cases I am familiar with the children
are grown. This too can be a problem but is easier to deal with than
children still in the home.
So, the younger man and older woman decide to become a team. In researching
this situation I find that most of the woman have been emotionally abused
and have little tolerance toward the older man, who by the way, is more
often than not looking for a maid, not a wife. He is aging and wants to be
taken care of. (Not always is this the case.) Older men want to be in
control, and here is the crux of the situation; most women would also like
to be in control. If a woman is used to handling the money, the bill
paying, the running of the household and decision making, it is not easy to
give this up. This is an issue that needs to be addressed before a union is
made. In a lot of cases the woman is no longer working outside the home,
making the younger man the breadwinner. If she is on retirement she no
doubt wants to participate in the handling of the money. Every situation
is different but in all cases it needs to be discussed and agreed upon
early on!
If a woman has grown children or is just strong willed she needs to remember
that, though he is younger, he needs the option of making decisions on his
own. He needs to be trusted and if he makes mistakes that is just life.
You need to remember that you married him, you didn't adopt him. Sharing
his feelings and supporting him in his endeavors is a must. Remember that
if you are the older, this is the person who is going to be taking care of
you at some point in your life. You need to trust his judgment and respect him. You both have to realize that whoever is the older the other can never catch up so both need to adapt
and be willing to sacrifice. There is no guarantee that the older of the
pair will not outlive the younger and gender has nothing to do with it.
Disagreements are inevitable. Little things and big things alike must be
talked out in a calm and caring manner. You are going to do things that
aggravate him and visa-versa. Don't make threats and jump from one
infraction to another. Do not drag what he did last year or even last week
into something that upset you today. Maintain your self respect and if you
have a point to make, do it in a kind and caring manner. Let go of how
someone else did something, as there is nothing written in stone. Become
equal partners; open, honest and caring.
Do not doubt his feelings. Remember, he chose you over all the other,
younger women that he knew. You, perhaps, cannot understand what he sees in
you, but if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you then he is
mature and adult enough to make his own choice. Beauty is but skin deep and
he is mature enough to realize this. Maybe someone has kicked you around
and damaged your self-esteem, giving you doubts about yourself. Let him put
you on a pedestal if that is what he wants to do. Take the brass ring and
run with it, thanking God every inch of the way.
Being in an age-gap relationship is like any other, whether you are the
traditional couple or not. It takes love, patience, trust and true deep
bonding to make it work. Develop interests and hobbies that you both enjoy.
Make joint decisions and be considerate of each other.
The two of you went into this together. Do not let any outsider interfere
or create ghosts of doubt. This relationship is just like any other only
the numbers are different. If your age-gap does not meet with someone's approval that is their problem, not yours. Life is full of choice, take advantage of that!
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