Australia's cow cockies (dairy farmers) should stop moaning about their poor returns from milk. There's light at the udder end of the cow's tunnel. A quick internet survey shows that cow pats (aka chips, pies, droppings, or poo) can be a useful source of income. And that's no bull.
"Every hour, over 12 million cattle dung pats are dropped onto Australian soil," Dr Karl Kruszelnicki told us on the ABC Science program. "This means that each year, the 30 million cattle in Australia cover over 20,000 square kilometres of grazing land with their dung. Until the arrival of imported dung beetles, these cow pats would just dry out slowly, and stay on top of the soil for months, or even years."
And what do we do about it? Breed and release more of those hard-working dung beetles.
In the United States, Kristin Murdock, "a vivacious new business owner," sells hundreds of clocks lovingly mounted on dried cow pats, each with a tag which "assures you that our 'Farm Fresh' Cow-Pies were carefully hand-picked from millions of organically grown specimens, sun-dried in the fields of Southern Utah."
Christie C. Babbit, Deseret News staff writer, asserts: "It's a dirty job, but somebody had to think of it... 'It's kind of sick in a way, but it sells and it's fun!' [Kristin] said after showing off her production facility - a picnic table in her back yard - at her Provo home."
In Tanzania, the Kasulu Internet Project in Mtabila refugee camp uses cow manure to provide electricity for its handful of machines. Reporting this on a BBC website, David Lewis says the project offers some of the most deprived people in Africa training in computer skills, as well as access to the internet and e-mail.
"The aim is to teach computer skills to refugees who have known little else but civil war and genocide, ahead of their return home to Burundi. The Mtabila project is funded by the Global Catalyst Fund, an organisation that promotes development through advances in technology.
"None of this would be possible without the 12 cows lazing in the field at the back of the teacher training college. Manure from the cows is collected and fed into a 50-cubic-metre gas digester. The waste is fermented and the methane produced is collected.
"'We feed the manure into the generator that we're running at 70% gas and 30% diesel and that runs the computer school for about eight hours each day,' said [technology specialist Geoff Calder, who runs the centre.]
"Nothing goes to waste. The slurry that comes out after the methane is produced is used to fertilise the garden where vegetables are grown for the college."
Returning to the United States, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer reported on July 17, "Cow pies may one day help power King County businesses and homes, if a project under study becomes reality, King County Executive Ron Sims said yesterday at the King County Fair.
"The project would take manure from dairy farms on the Enumclaw Plateau, remove methane and harness it to fuel electrical generators. The process breaks the manure down to a clean grade of fertilizer. The end result is improved air and water quality and better disposal of manure, King County officials said."
When I was at high school long ago, one of the most popular events at the annual sports day was Throwing the Cricket Ball. It's a shame today's athletes confine themselves to seeing how far they can throw the discus, hammer, javelin, tizzy, dummy or party.
In the United States, they throw cow chips. Beaver, Oklahoma (population 1900) claims to be the Cow Chip Capital of the World. At its 32nd annual World Cow Chip Throwing Championship, Robby Deevers, a student from Liberal (great place name!), Kansas, won the men's contest with a record-breaking throw of 185 feet five inches (56.5 metres).
The master of ceremonies, Kirk Fisher, said: "There was some discussion about the fact he was barefoot. You have to be barefisted, but there's nothing in the rules that say you have to have your shoes on."
The women's contest was won by Beaver resident Dana Martin, who threw hers 146 feet 6 inches (44.65 metres), the Dallas Morning News reported next day.
About a year ago, the Des Moines Register ran a story headed Aw, poop! Fair uses imported cowpies, written by its Farm Editor, Jerry Perkins. "Here's a stinker," it began. "The cow chips thrown at the Iowa State Fair come from Oklahoma.
"It's not that Iowa's cow chips aren't good enough, fair officials say. It's just that Oklahoma cornered the cow-chip market years ago. In 1979, back when Iowa's dung discus-throwing contest began, the Oklahoma panhandle was the only place that sold the chips, said Kathie Swift, the fair's marketing director.
"Beaver, Okla., the self-proclaimed 'Cow Chip Capital of the World,' is the only place that sells 'officially sanctioned' cow chips, said Pat Sandusky, director of Beaver County Sheltered Workshop.
"'The workshop employs seven developmentally disabled people, who pick up the chips in pastures where the cattle have, well, dropped them,' Sandusky said. They bring the dry cow chips, also called cowpies, to the workshop. 'We de-bug them and pack them 70 to a box,' Sandusky said. The chips sell for 55 cents each. We send them to Canada, Alaska and all over the United States.'
"In April, Beaver... holds the Cimarron Territory Celebration, featuring the world championship cow chip-throwing contest. 'Everybody thinks we're nuts, but we have a lot of fun with it,' Sandusky said.
"The competitors at the Iowa State Fair today will heave 140 Oklahoma chips. At least one Iowan thinks fair officials should look closer to home for its dung piles. Carol Balvanz, vice president for public affairs of the Iowa Cattlemen's Association, said Iowa has plenty of cow chips available. In fact, the Hubbard cattle producer said officials may need to look no further than the fairgrounds.
"'My 15-year-old daughter Casey is down in the cattle barn right now cleaning up after her 4-H steer. I'm sure she's come up with a pretty good supply,' Balvanz said."
Of course, cows come in various sizes, ranging up to cow elephants, providers of jumbo-size raw material for recycling. In Sri Lanka, high-quality paper is made by pulping elephant dung, which is full of undigested fibre, with "paddy paper" and is used in photo albums, notebooks and memo pads.
The paper is produced in aid of the Millennium Elephant Foundation, which maintains a home for elderly and disabled elephants. A factory on-site produces hand-made paper to any thickness and a variety of colours.
Texture and colour of the 'pachyderm paper' varies, depending on the elephants' diet, and how well they digest their food. The paper also differs depending on what other ingredients, such as tea, paddy husks or onion peel are added in the manufacturing process. (It might be simpler to feed them directly to the elephants!).
Maximus (Pvt) Limited have a factory and retail outlet in the Sri Lankan capital, Colombo. Using the recycled paper they take orders for corporate stationery, calendars, cards, bags and boxes.
The factory employs 30 people. Maximus uses MEF land and an unlimited supply of elephant dung. MEF receives a percentage of profits and as much re-cycled paper as it needs.
Sadly, the day may come when the factory runs out of raw material. A century ago, there were more than 12,000 elephants in the jungles of Sri Lanka. Now there are around 2,000.
So much for the varied uses other countries find for cow pats. Come on, Aussies, come on. Surely we can do more than burning them to keep mossies away, or leaving them to the beetles.
Eric Shackle is now an 84 year old web author, and his writings have appeared all around the world. He has written a lovely and funny book, which he has published on the net for you to peruse. Hop over to Eric Shackle's eBook and have a read. A lovely way to pass that coffee break time, reading a well-written book.
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