The other day while trolling various websites, I came across one that carried an excerpt from Redbook entitled "Your Courtship Clock - Decoded." The title intrigued me.
The story compared various couples' marriages and arrived at the suggestion that the short, torrid courtships tend to result in brief marriages that burn out and crash. If that were the case, one might suggest, then the long, slow languorous courtships surely must result in lengthy marriages. Apparently not. They, too, it seems do the Roman Candle experience and after a period of burning brightly, slow and lose their glow with the inevitable result that they 'bomb.'
If neither the short, hot courtship nor the long, slow type result in lasting marriages, can marriage success be found in the middle-ground ones? Is it possible that the so-called middle-ground ones are based on love? That is not to say that either of the aforementioned ones is not based on love; however, it might be that in some cases individuals confuse 'lust' for love. Certainly, a solid marriage is based on much more than - pardon the crude term - a good roll in the sack. While quality sex in a marriage is important, it is not the only base upon which to build a lasting relationship.
The word 'courtship' means "courting with a view to marriage;" and the word 'court' means "attention paid to a person whose favour, love, or interest is sought." The very word 'marriage' means "the legal union of a man and a woman in order to live together and often to have children." Nowhere in those dictionary excerpts is the word 'lust' mentioned.
Observation reveals that for the past decade or two, some couples contemplating marriage often see it as a short-term, throw-away exercise where at the first hint of something gone awry seek a separation or divorce. It appears that in some instances, couples have not forged a deep understanding of what constitutes marriage - it is not to be entered into lightly nor is it to be viewed as something temporary.
In today's marketplace with so much of what consumers purchase, longevity of the item is not considered. The word 'guarantee' has lost much of its meaning and thus, people do not expect things to last more than a weekend or two. With such a viewpoint, is it any wonder that some young people view marriage as a 'non-guaranteed' item to be tossed aside the first time it fails to deliver what the person expects? It has become a bit like the old idea of 'out with the old and in with the new.' If the first marriage does not work, then toss it aside and look for a newer, better model. If that doesn't work, well, then, use the old axiom of 'try, try and try again.' That might be fine in various attempts to climb a mountain but it certainly has no place in marriage.
It can be concluded, therefore, that a solid marriage is founded on a courtship based on love that has grown over a period of time - undefined - with a clear understanding that sooner or later the couple will join together for a lifetime of happiness. The key words here are 'love,' 'lifetime' and 'happiness.'
For all those who wonder about such things, my bride and I have been married for more than fifty years after a courtship that lasted three weeks. The enduring things in our marriage are: love, trust, understanding, companionship, consideration of each other's feelings, support of and for each other, enjoying the same things while allowing each other time for oneself when necessary. There is not magic potion that we swallow each morning but there is one lasting, deep-seated love that we have for our Lord, Jesus. We three walk the paths of our marriage, together, hand in hand and very much in love. Goofy? Not at all. Some of those marriages that have failed ought to try it - they might be surprised at the joy it brings.
Bob Orrick is a retired private tutor of English grammar, literature, poetry and Canadian history to off-shore youngsters. His pupils hail from such places as Taiwan, China, Japan, Hong Kong, Korea and Venezuela. He was previously in international marketing, was a ministerial assistant to a provincial cabinet minister, spent a few years as a reporter then editor of a community newspaper and enjoyed a career in the Royal Canadian Navy.
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