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The following story was written by Hank Rempel, a senior living in B.C. He is hoping to have these and several others he has written published. Does anyone know how he might accomplish this? Email him at rempel@island.net with any suggestions.
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Hot Stuff by Hank Rempel
I'll begin by telling you of my mother-in-law's technique for drying clothes. She would drape them over the oven door, leaving it partially open & roast them dry.
One day while I was going to be late for work, my wife gave a pair of my pants the same quick dry treatment. She dried the legs first, then reversed them & dried the remainder. As I was late, I couldn't wait for them to cool, so I just put them on. In my haste I managed to brush the zipper against my pride & joy. I let out a yelp & began inspecting my doodler. My wife thought it all was so funny & was wondering if the name "Lightening" had transferred a brand onto my own little zipper.
Shortly after that incident, I had been in a downhill slalom ski race for novices. Bound by that competitive spirit, I flew down the mountainside, stretching muscles far beyond their limit. A few hours later I knew that I was in for a bad time with sore inner thigh muscles already throbbing. I stopped at a drug store on my way home, and bought some of this fancy new "Heat" liniment that was currently being advertised on T.V.
When I got home, I had a nice hot shower & tossed the liniment to my wife saying, "Here, Give me a good rub down with this, will you?" I'm one of these guys that read directions only after things don't go right. So instead of lightly swabbing the stuff on with the applicator supplied, I spread eagled on the bed, face up & had her give me a good coating of it. When she was finished, I rolled over, bringing my now wet with liniment, legs together, anointing my privates with this fire from hell!! KEEERIIIST!!!! I leapt to my feet & bolted for the bathroom. I filled the pedestal sink with water, straddled it & launched my parts into the cool water. Soap!! Lots of Soap!! As I furiously scrubbed away, my wife was rolling on the kitchen floor in uncontrolled laughter. I must have been a sight, spread eagled over that little sink. I had a personal friend who was a surgeon, so I phoned Joe up, telling him what happened. Soon he was howling with laughter. He asked what I'd done to get rid of the pain, & when I told him, he said "I can't give you any advice, cause you've already done it all". With that said, he hung up the phone.
Other Stories by Hank Rempel:
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