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By Jeff and Judy

Monitor That Libido

Even though we’ve never publicly acknowledged it in print before today I suppose the common theme running through all our columns is “what happens to your ‘libido’ as you get older?”

This isn’t surprising at all because no matter how the question is phrased it’s the one Jeff and I get asked most often.

In fact, to be completely truthful and accurate, the technically-correct psychological and physiological word libido (“sexual instinct” according to Sigmund Freud) itself is rarely the one used. Our questioners use much earthier expressions meaning exactly the same thing but couched in words we’d rather not print in a popular family newspaper like this even if our normally-so-permissive editor would let us.

Relying as always therefore on your total comprehension I’m sure you won’t mind if I continue using the word ‘libido’ while asking you to substitute whatever other convenient earthiness suits your fancy.

We’ve had people tell us they first noticed tell-tale signs that they were starting to misplace their libido already in their thirties and one good friend even admitted she doubted she’d ever really had one. But mostly it seems to be a “mid-fifties and upwards” sort of thing.

Whatever the age of the questioner whenever the “L-word” question pops-up, my answer is always pretty much the same.

“You don’t suddenly wake up one morning,” I say, after cautioning that I am not a professional giver of medical advice and therefore accept no responsibility for my diagnosis, “and find your libido gone. If it does happen at all, libido-loss occurs slowly over an extended period of time. Which allows you ample opportunity to make vital adjustments.

“It’s like swimming or riding a bicycle,” I tell them, rather crudely I admit, but nevertheless clearly and rather effectively. “They say once you’ve learned to do either, or both, you never forget. But, remaining with cycling, if you did happen to lose your ability to peddle around on two wheels then all you have to do is hop back in the saddle and keep at it, increasing your balance, stamina and willpower through training and practice, until you can again ride safely for long distances without falling off.”

“Or, using the aquatic example, plunge right in and sink or swim.”

And if this isn’t getting through I pump up the volume, using rap-music terminology, and tell them “Just use it or lose it.”

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Just who are Jeff and Judy? Judy and Jeff Sellers are a US couple who love sunsets, world travel, fine wines, good food and each other. As often as possible and not necessarily in that order. They currently seek a congenial publisher for their "Frisky after Sixty" book ('A Good in Bed Read') and after many requests from friends all over the world waiting impatiently for their local newspapers to carry this column. To find out more go to Frisky After Sixty.

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