by Cookie Curci
Electronic mail: Is it a blessing? Or just a new and faster way to lose
friends and make enemies.
With the coming of the new millennium, we are entering a time when the
emphasis isn't so much on creativity as it is on speed and efficiency; a time
when the old-fashioned art of letter writing has become as passe as my
manual typewriter.
Taking pen and ink to paper is considered an outdated mode of
communication so long as the e-mail, fax and cell phones are handy. At least,
that's what the computer generation would have us believe.
It's true, Email saves valuable time, energy, stationary and postage, but
lost is the personal touch, which now becomes another casualty in our quest
for speedy more modern conveniences.
The E-mail writer misses out on the best part of communicating; they
will never know the joys our generation felt in preserving those bundles of
hand written romantic letters, bound in tattered stacks and tied with ribbons
of blue, preserved through the years as a narrative of lasting love. Also,
there's the problem of interpretation. A quickly written e-mail message can
be opened to several interpretations and often can be misunderstood.
What I like best about the old-fashioned hand written letter is that it
gave the writer time to pause, time to think about what they're saying in
their letters. Sometimes a hand written letter will stay on my desk for a day
or two before I mail it. Thereby, giving me some time to read it again and
again and maybe change a word or sentence in order to soften or strengthen
the meaning of my message.
Recently, I gave in to the urgings of friends and family and entered the
fast-paced computer world. I enjoyed the speed and swiftness in which my mail
was sent and received. I especially liked the friendly voice on my computer
announcing, "You've got mail". But I would later learn that this wonderful invention
of e-mail was a double aged sword, and that typing out thoughts and sending
them quickly, without pausing to read and reread them, could have some
unwanted results.
A few months ago, I had a little misunderstanding with an editor. Normally,
the problem would have been resolved with a personal phone call and
conversation. But, because I now had e-mail, I instantly fired back a
response, putting little thought into my words. My editor, in turn, did the
same. Before you could say, "dot.Com" our messages had escalated into a
full-fledged argument. The end result, our association ended after 14 years!
My story isn't a rare one, I know of two different family members and several
friends who are no longer speaking to one another because of E-mail messages
sent in haste and regretted in leisure. One of my friends caught a glimpse of
her friend's husband with another woman. She fired off an e-mail to her
friend about it. The friend lost a husband and never spoke to her friend
again.
Of course, she could have given her friend the same information on the
telephone. But on the phone, she could have heard her friend's voice and been
able to gauge her emotions. She would have known instinctively, by her
friends reactions, whether or not to proceed with her information.
On the other hand, emails are convenient. One of the reasons we all have an
answering machine is to screen our calls, so that we can enjoy dinner, a hot
bath, or a soothing nap without the interruption of a phone call. E-mail can
be read and answered at our convenience. For older folks, it gives us the
opportunity to print out our conversations and information, no longer do we
have to depend on memory alone. On the other hand, with a phone conversation
you can deny saying something, but with e-mail what you say is indelible and
on record.
Email can destroy a friendship or it can bring one back from years gone bye.
Sometimes making that phone call to someone we haven't’ seen in many years is
an awkward impossible task. "W ill I bother them at a bad time," "Will they
want to hear from me after all this time?" The e-mail eliminates all these q
uestions. The e-mail receiver has the choice to answer, or not to answer
your message. If and when they do respond, its because they really wanted to
and an old friendship is instantly rekindled. This is the good side of
e-mail. The part of it that I have enjoyed. When I began including my e-mail
address in my local newspaper column, I was apprehensive of the kinds of
e-mail I might receive. I was pleased to discover that many of the emails
came from dear old friends I hadn't seen since my childhood.
Like most of my generation, who were born during WWII, I still feel a
sense of happy anticipation upon hearing the sound of mail dropping into my
front porch mail box, even through I know, on most days all I'll find are
bills and unwanted circulars. There's also the possibility that a letter
from a loved one may arrive among that daily hodgepodge of paper. And, it
pleases me to know that someone took the time to write a personal message,
which I will read again and again to discover something new each time.
It's not necessary that we all be great wits or scholars when we
communicate something in a message, more important is the thought we put into
our messages. Fear of poor grammar and bad spelling has made us slaves to the
computer written letter and to its instant spell checker. We let it choose
our words and at times even change them.
Yes, taking pen in hand to write a handwritten letter does take more
time, you must find the paper, locate a pen, then find an envelope and add a
34 cent stamp. And while we're gathering all these accouterments we will also
be giving ourselves some time to think about what we want to say-what we want
to convey in our message.
So what's the answer? Is this milestone in communication a menace or a
masterpiece? Like all new innovations, e-mail must be tempered with the
user's common sense and good judgment.
So the next time you're about ready to click that "send" button on your
computerized mail. Take the time to read your message over again and even
again, just to be sure you're words aren't open to misinterpretation. That
extra minute can save a friendship and perhaps even your job.
For over 14 years, Cookie Curci wrote a popular nostalgia column for The Willow Glen
Resident. (The Silicon Valley Metro Newspapers...San Jose califonia)
www.metroactive.com. She's currently writing a column called "Looking Back" that
appears monthly in FRA NOI - a Chicago based newspaper. In additon she writes for
"Mature Living" in Toledo, Ohio, "Senior News" in West Virginia and THE WILLOW GLEN TIMES in San Jose. More about Cookie is at On Writing a Nostalgia Column.... If you would like to comment on an article, Cookie can be reached at Cookiecurci@aol.com.
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